Poetry

When Will I Ever Learn?

I knew it would end before it started.
The reason I let myself go on.
I knew there would be joy, and lust and good old-fashioned romance...
Why, we'd ronp around the city and just have fun.
Let yourself go crazy I said,
The water's warm, it's safe -- jump in
And now here I am longing for you -- laughing…
When will I ever learn?

When did I lose control
Over the direction our union would take?
I remember I warned myself not to be misled
When the bond between us strengthened.
Yet I began to wonder, why I feared this deceit
I would just be grateful for what ever I got in return
So I sit confused over my desire for you …
When will I ever learn?

Now I ask myself why I seek out
These affairs that end before they can begin?
Am I so afraid to love, that I go out of my way to outsmart it
Or, just never experience love, and live my life alone?
Do I fear abandonment so much that, by trying to avoid it,
I create that which I fear instead?
Or will I continue to touch the fire and cry
When will I ever learn?

When will I ever trust
That my heart is truly strong enough?
When will I ever find
The courage to call my bluff?
As I continue to wonder over and over again
If I've ever really been in love?
Every time, I sigh...
Every time.